Total filler
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Girl, You’ll Be a Woman Soon
I should have seen it coming. Summer of 1987 would be the longest time spent without my family. For eight weeks, I would be at sleep away camp in Eagle River, Wisconsin. I should have known this would be the time that I would mysteriously shit my pants for 5 days straight. During this time, I not only went through a lot of underwear, but I also wrote my oldest sister, Lauren, play-by-play letters about this occurrence, with illustrations. “Here is my underwear. When I go to the bathroom, it’s all stained brown. I don’t know how this is happening. I don’t know what to do.” I finally told my…
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How to win the lottery every time
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Notice
I gave notice at work last Monday. It sounds so formal. Giving. Notice. I am supplying the company with a formal declaration that I will no longer be an employee there. But in an exchange for letting them know early (I have no job in the works yet), I asked for time–4-6 months to be exact. It made sense for the team, as one its members would be out for maternity leave in March and I offered to help cover. However, this sustained live with a dead man walking has made people uncomfortable, even in our remote work situation. The management team began planning my quick exit. At first I…
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How to win the lottery every time
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How to win the lottery every time
I’m driving around looking for the cheapest gas in my neighborhood. Normally I would go to an old favorite but it’s Sunday morning and I don’t have anywhere else I need to be. I settle on $2.64/gallon at a BP one mile from my house. I begin filling up my tank I wonder if my credit card company will notify me for a fraud alert. It’s been 3 months since I’ve needed gas with the stay-at-home order in place. Before I leave, I see the digital lotto sign in the window. $53 million for Mega Millions. 2 million for Lotto. $50 million for Powerball. I instantly feel the regret of…
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The end of the world
I wrote a blog post early in my relationship and came back to it today. Let’s go back in the time machine for a moment… We all know couples who fall in love get engaged and even marry within two years of meeting. And as time goes by, their relationship changes. They get comfortable. Sometimes ungrateful. Bored. Apathetic. They work it out. Or they don’t. I am afraid of this. Why doesn’t love last? I discovered some surprising love research- Romantic love only lasts two years. The spark. The excitement. The “I miss you even though you just left the room.” A shelf life of two years. Sometimes less. You just…
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Visibility
When I was in my twenties, I decided to take on a new persona of sorts. I didn’t want to be the girl who blended in anymore. I wanted to be what I referred to as a “vixen.” I wanted men to notice me for my looks and not just find out I was fun to talk to after giving me the benefit of the doubt. So I started dressing in more revealing clothing and wearing a little more make up when I went out. I discovered something about that vixeny greener grass; when I looked that way, I attracted men who didn’t care about much else. Lesson learned. I’m glad…
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The Thing about Things
I try not to be a “thing” person. Things aren’t people or experiences or emotions. If I lose, break or otherwise ruin a thing, I don’t want to feel hurt. However, I do have a favorite shirt, a favorite jacket, a favorite pillow, a favorite plant and many other cherished things. They’re my favorites because they’re hand picked by me or by someone close to me. I’ve attached emotion to them. Emotion creates energy. And energy goes into the thing- both positive and negative. I am unfortunately still holding on to some negative clutter as well as necessities, like an alarm clock and a few different sized wardrobes. I didn’t…
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The Fail Project
What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail? The answer to this question is your life’s journey. Isn’t it amazing? One question and there’s the answer. Knowing where my heart lies inspired me not only to follow it, but also to start a new kind of project. It’s about what you can do if you CAN fail. Failure is part of the journey. I’m not talking about epic, hungry and destitute failure. Simply, this-is-far-from-my-best-work, kind of failure. It’s the Betamax of failures. I start my project by unwrapping nine 4” x 4” canvases. I have owned these blank canvases for six years. I didn’t want to use…
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How to win the lottery every time
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Letter to car
Dear car, It was unfortunate that we met the way we did. You, sitting nearly dormant, driverless for months. Me, averse to driving. We were an unlikely pair. Forced together by necessity, I was so unsteady at the wheel the first time we drove, both scared and careless like a teen with a new license. Little did you know you would never be returning home again, except for visits. It was the worst part of my life and I dragged you into it. The long trips back and forth from Chicago to Glenview. You, holding a bag for me so I could throw up on the way, completely unaware of…
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How to win the lottery every time
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Relationship Milestones
We all have relationship baggage. One of my biggest carry ons comes from an old boyfriend who grew up in a world where women must not have bodily functions. So in our relationship, he did not want to acknowledge any of the 3 P’s- peeing, pooping and periods. And I get it, but these things are real. They happen. And they happen to me. I didn’t want to discuss them over dinner, I just didn’t want to have to hide them entirely. To preserve the relationship, I agreed to keep this illusion alive as best I could. But of course, I had digestive issues and kidney issues and that damn monthly bleeding issue. Damn them all. When we…
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Three Rooms
I have a theory. Three rooms. Three rooms is what two people need to survive in a relationship. It is why I can confidently say my past co-habitation attempts didn’t work. It wasn’t me or us. It was math. Simply not enough rooms. When I tell people this theory, they assume I mean a number of things that I don’t, such as that three rooms counts the kitchen, living and bathrooms. Three is in fact the number of bedrooms. Three rooms with windows and closets. Why three? Because one you share. Room one is your romantic cohabitation. It is the place you refer to when you say you love coming…
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How to win the lottery every time
