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Relationship Milestones
We all have relationship baggage. One of my biggest carry ons comes from an old boyfriend who grew up in a world where women must not have bodily functions. So in our relationship, he did not want to acknowledge any of the 3 P’s- peeing, pooping and periods. And I get it, but these things are real. They happen. And they happen to me. I didn’t want to discuss them over dinner, I just didn’t want to have to hide them entirely. To preserve the relationship, I agreed to keep this illusion alive as best I could. But of course, I had digestive issues and kidney issues and that damn monthly bleeding issue. Damn them all. When we…
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Three Rooms
I have a theory. Three rooms. Three rooms is what two people need to survive in a relationship. It is why I can confidently say my past co-habitation attempts didn’t work. It wasn’t me or us. It was math. Simply not enough rooms. When I tell people this theory, they assume I mean a number of things that I don’t, such as that three rooms counts the kitchen, living and bathrooms. Three is in fact the number of bedrooms. Three rooms with windows and closets. Why three? Because one you share. Room one is your romantic cohabitation. It is the place you refer to when you say you love coming…
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An Ode to Getting Old
Somewhere on the way to my 40th birthday*, I must have stopped to tie my shoe or been delayed by traffic, figuratively speaking of course. The world seems to have skipped ahead leaving me way behind the times on everything from fashion to technology. When I see women wearing clothes with cut outs, I can only relate to them with memories of what I wore to my 8th grade dance. When I hear about some uproar on Instagram, I can’t remember if that’s the one with the likes, the tags or the filters. Or maybe, it’s all three. I’ve heard of people exploring their inner child. But right now, I’m…
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Take II
For the last few months, there has been one question on my mind:“Why will this time be different?” How will moving in with this person be different than when I moved in with the last person? The answer is easy, right? I’m moving in with a different person! But what if I was the perpetrator? What if it’s not about the other person but about me? I’m packing the same baggage so the questions still stands, “Why will this time be different?” I considered seeing a therapist. We will get to the bottom of this. We will dig through the history and find the answers. But I kind of wanted…
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Leave no trace
I walk into my friend’s building. As always, there is an entire landing full of shoes even before you get in the door of her apartment. Just inside, I find jeans carefully placed on the dining room floor as if on display- it’s just something she does when she gets new clothes. Blankets lie on the couch. A hairdryer sits on the floor of the bathroom for no current use. It’s clean, but it’s not perfect. I am so jealous. My place has only been on the market for three days but it feels like much longer. My furniture is here. My livelihood is not. I didn’t realize how much stuff I interacted with…
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The gift
My mom had a mantra whether she realized I was counting the repetition of her words or not. It was variations of “Girls, don’t fight.” I was the youngest of three daughters by nearly eight years. I was the runt. The entertainer. The least invested in decisions. An only child at times. My mom got sick the year after my father passed away. During the last 10 years of her life, my sisters, Lauren and Allison, and I grew closer. But a common gripe was that no one would tell me anything, from what was going on with my mom’s health to when my sisters were free to hang out. “Mom, they treat me like I’m eight years old!” My mom would…
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The Things that Might Happen
When people ask me how I’m doing, the first words out of my mouth, for the last few months, have been “I’m selling my house.” It is the most logical way I can convey all the activity in my life. When it’s not physical- reorganizing, packing, storing and cleaning, it’s emotional. “How can I leave this place?” “Where will I go?” In fact, the latter is the logical next question people ask. I tell them the truth. “I don’t know.” Next week, there will be strangers touring my home. Potential buyers sizing up the the living room for a sectional and peering out the window to see the snow covered…
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The Five Driving Agreements
Growing up in the city, I didn’t have a strong desire to drive but I really wanted my drivers license. I took drivers ed at Lane Tech and while I was great on paper, I was not as stellar behind the wheel. One time I got so nervous in class, I accidentally switched on the windshield wipers and in my preoccupation with trying to turn them off, I drove into a fence. My mom would not take me out in her car to practice. Luckily my dad had a tougher stomach for these things and wanted to help me gain confidence on the road. He was a Chicago police officer,…
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Winter is love
I was recently at a party and the topic of dating came up. I overheard one of my close friends telling a woman, “You should talk to Rachael. She’s a dating EXPERT.” I was quick to interject, “I’m not an expert.” Though I have dated a lot and documented my experiences. So I’m at least a “dating enthusiast.” What I found in my “research” was that the best time to meet potential suitors is during winter. One of the coldest nights of my dating project resulted in three phone number acquisitions. So it’s not just a hunch. Winter means opportunity. I say this because winter also means cold and slush…
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Commit to the Bit
There are many things I love about my significant other. But most of all, it’s his commitment. Not just to me or our relationship, but to everything. When he says he’s going to do something, he does it. And not someday or next week or tomorrow. Right. Now. He’s smart and decisive and does only the appropriate research before diving in. I learned this pretty quickly on in our relationship when he said he was going to buy a new car. In less than a month, he sold his car and had a new one. If it were up to me, I would have taken years of test drives, watched…