The end of the world

I wrote a blog post early in my relationship and came back to it today. Let’s go back in the time machine for a moment…

We all know couples who fall in love get engaged and even marry within two years of meeting. And as time goes by, their relationship changes. They get comfortable. Sometimes ungrateful. Bored. Apathetic. They work it out. Or they don’t.

I am afraid of this. Why doesn’t love last?

I discovered some surprising love research- Romantic love only lasts two years. The spark. The excitement. The “I miss you even though you just left the room.” A shelf life of two years. Sometimes less. You just fall of a love cliff and that’s the end.

Within the first year or two of a relationship, you skyrocket on a protein called the Nerve Growth Factor. You experience a flood of giddy emotions. But after two years max, your body comes back down to “normal” level. You go from heart palpitations to “Honey, can you grab a roll of toilet paper for me?”

After finding this out, I began holding on to every moment of my lusty love more than ever. Every arm on my shoulder. Every kiss. Every time I hear keys in the door and the jingle of the dog’s collar when he arrives at my condo. The sound of his voice. His smile in the dark. My sister took a photo of us in the kitchen where he is emptying the dishwasher, I’m making guacamole and the dog is wagging her tail. This photo is a moment- a box of wishes that have come true.

I feel sad thinking one day, it won’t be as special. That I won’t see any of it the same way. The dishes will just be dishes.

Three and a half years in, I can confirm that things have definitely changed. We now live together, so his keys in the door is just what happens every night- I would be worried if I didn’t hear them. I still love hearing his voice- speaking and singing. As for the dishes, he now does them every morning and it’s spectacular.

Yes, science, you were right. We aren’t on the wings of lust like we were when we first met. But we are partners in a way I have never known before. Our roots have grown together and our future is in bloom. And by bloom, I mean we have a growing arsenal of inappropriate jokes that have become both the backdrop and centerpiece for our humorous life together.

As we walked to dinner last night, he put his arm around me. It reminded me of the way I felt when he did this during the summer when we first began dating. I am grateful for the sparks that have led to this moment. I have a partner who is joyful to walk down the street with me, go on trips big and small and take on the world. And by world, I mean that he does all the complicated house things because I have no idea how to affix things to walls, put together furniture without getting frustrated or keep drains from backing up.

So science, you can keep your chemicals. We’re in it for the long haul and we don’t need skyrockets to get there.